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FemmeFan Weekly
October 27, 2007
The Two Minute Drill – Week Eight
The Tale of Little Grey Hood, "All the better to steal your signals with", my
friend.
The Tale of Little Grey Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.
In a great wide forest, full of beautiful trees, and green glades, and thorny thickets, there lived a football team and their coach, they had only one goal; to beat their league rivals, no matter what the cost.
His
name was Belichick; but the neighbors round about all called him "Little Grey
Hood" because of the grey hooded sweatshirt he wore, a sentimental piece of
outerwear his grandma had retrieved from the Salvation Army Store.
Belichick was the leader of a merry team of men, he wasn’t always the gentlest or happiest guy to be around but he was a winner.
Now, this, let me tell you before I forget, was at the time when all the teams and their players, or very nearly all, could speak just as well as you or I; and nobody was surprised to hear about misconduct on the players part.
Well, as I was saying, Little Grey Hood lived in a comfortable albeit cold area of the country, but life had been good, rich and full of Super Bowl wins and rings and trophies.
It was on a bright September morning when Little Grey Hood had just finished practice that the owner came bustling in.
"Here's a to-do list," he said. Coach Hodge has this very minute told me that he hears your former colleague, Mangini isn't quite well, and I can't leave the office this morning for love or money! Do go, and find out how he is and take him some sweet fresh butter, and these two new-laid eggs, and these nice tasty little pasties, and make sure you take a camera and a recorder with you.
So Little Grey Hood pulled his hood over his head, and set off down the slippery slope.
The path wound along through the trees, and, as it grew wider after turning a corner, Little Grey Hood saw that he was likely to have company on the walk; for, where two cross-paths divided, there sat a big gray Wolf licking his long paws, and looking sharply about him. And "Good morning, Little Grey Hood," said he.
"Good morning, Mr. Wolf," he answered.
"And where may you be going?" said the Wolf, as he walked beside him.
"Oh, Mangini isn't very well so I'm taking him some little goodies.”
"And," said the Wolf, "where does Mangini live?"
"Through the tunnel, down the interstate, across the bridge and three football fields from town."
"Does he indeed?" cried the Wolf. "Why, then, I do believe he is a very dear old friend of mine, whom I have not seen for years and years. Now, I'll tell you what we'll do, you and I: I will go by this way, and you shall take that, and whoever gets there first shall be the winner of the game."
So the Wolf trotted off one way, and Little Grey Hood went the other; and I am sorry to say that Little Grey Hood lingered and loitered more than he ought to have done on the road.
Well, what with one thing and another, the sun was right up in the very mid-most middle of the sky when he came in sight of Mangini’s condo.
"Oh! dear, how I must have lingered!" said Little Grey Hood, when he saw how high the sun had climbed. He knocked meekly on the door.
"Who's there?" said a very gruff voice from inside.
"It's only I, Mangini, your pal Little Grey Hood with some goodies for you.
It seemed very dark in
there after the bright sunlight outside, and all Little Grey Hood could see was
that the window-curtains and the bed-curtains were still drawn.
Mangini was covered in blankets of green and white from head to toe.
Now, you and I have guessed by this time, although Little Grey Hood never even thought of such a thing, that it wasn’t Mangini at all, but the wicked NFL Commissioner, Goodell dressed as the Wolf.
"Come and sit down
beside my bed," wheezed the Wolf, "and let us have a little chat."
"Oh!" said Grey Hood, "what great arms you have, Mangini!"
"All the better to hug you with," said the Wolf.
"And what great rough ears you have, Mangini!"
"All the better to hear you with, my dear friend."
"And your eyes, Mangini; what great yellow eyes you have!"
"All the better to see you with” grinned the Wolf.
"And oh! oh! Mangini," cried Little Grey Hood, "what great sharp teeth you have!"
"All the better to eat you and beat you down with!" growled the Wolf, springing up suddenly at Little Grey Hood.
But just at that very
moment the door flew open, and two huge linebackers rushed in and tackled Little
Grey Hood.
The Wolf pointed his hairy paw at Little Grey Hood and said, “You have been
playing this much game too long, your Little Grey Hood act is over.”
"But where is Mangini?" asked Little Grey Hood.
The Wolf replied, “Mangini is at the Meadowlands getting ready to bench Pennington. You however, will never be trusted again. You are the real Wolf in Coach’s clothing.
So everything turned out right in the end, and all lived happily every after; but I promise you that Little Grey Hood never made friends with Mangini again!
And so boys and girls, the moral of the story is, if you’re going to cheat, don’t ask Little Grey Hood to handle it, and most of all make sure that Commissioner Goodell isn’t hiding in Wolf’s clothing.
_______________________________________________________
This story is so much sour grapes from a fan whose own team of choice could use a little inside information right about now. The San Francisco Forty Niners looked for all the world like a team on the rise. But they have been pathetic. They are desperately seeking an offense. The current schemes and formulas are failing.
Coach Nolan has upgraded the defense, but he needs to take a close look at the offensive line. The aging Larry Allen, and some iffy play by Eric Heitman and others is just not working this season, leading to sacks and lack of productivity in the running game. The wide receivers should have been an upgrade yet the plays being called don’t show much confidence in the quarterback or the receivers.
The team still can contend in this weak NFC West, but the offense must show vast improvement. If Alex Smith can’t go this week against the Saints then Nolan should put in the more mobile Shaun Hill. Fans then you need to cover your eyes. This could get uglier before it gets any better.
Femmefan’s Fearless Picks
Season Record: 69-34
Week Seven Record: 10-4
Week Eight Picks
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Around the League in Week Seven
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